For the past week DH and I have been getting to taste the life when DD would be away from home for full time college. DD is traveling for the past week playing for a 3hr Italian Orchestra performance and is expected to return sometime this week. She has been independent in the past and have managed her stays in hotel rooms by herself, but had couple of adult chaperones in the background to sort of keep an eye on things as with any situation with minors. But this trip was planned differently by the orchestra which had some specific policies about young musicians to be totally independent with minimal or no supervision. I have felt uncomfortable about it since they day it got finalized, although DD was confident and very determined to play for the orchestra.
She had to meet with the group of musicians at the airport and fly by herself with no parent volunteers to care for the group. This group was also made of adult musicians primarily and with a very few teenage kids, and DD was one of the youngest. She was scheduled to share a room with someone she got to know only in the past couple of weeks (a 20 plus yr old Indian violinist), but has managed to make friends with her in that short time. This Orchestra is made of some 70 musicians, with 40 some musicians are drawn from different parts of India (and some were from Nagaland and Sri Lanka) and the rest are Italians.
She has had some mixed experiences of good and bad so far. She has had a couple of ugly situations with one 15yr old gal/friend, who seems to be equally strong-willed and stubborn like DD. I suspected some incompatibility between them, especially with the differences in culture (American vs Indian), personalities and principles between both kids. But I was hoping that the fact that they both played different instruments in the orchestra and not sharing a room would suffice in keeping things a lot more peaceful between them. Well, I was wrong. There have been many moments of crying, anger, frustrations (along with tons of laughter too) in the past few days for DD. But in just a couple of occasions she figured out ways to keep things under control and also to avoid arguments / clashes with the other gal.
DD being so far away from home, just holding onto the cellphone as a patient listener and to speak out my thoughts carefully, that too only when I was asked for advice or suggestions by DD has been the hardest for me. I was angered by the unfair situation DD had to face at times as she described them to me, but had to remind myself repeatedly that it was her call and not mine. She confidently thought of ways to handle them differently than I had thought of. I had to admit to her several times that I was unable to gauge the situation and guide her from being so far away, and that she had to do her best in making the right decisions on her own and to trust herself. I also had to gulp my ego down my throat when my suggestions (of being just a protective mom) to completely avoid interacting with people but to stay in the room when not playing in the orchestra and to focus on just doing music was vetoed strongly by her. I realized that she was not afraid of experiences or hurt, but was interested in learning to navigating them skillfully and smartly.
I had many occasions to feel proud about how much she has grown into an intelligent and confident young lady. She is growing with a strong independent mind as to how to lead her life and handle her experiences(and some may not be of my taste and style). She is a strong kid, and being so intelligent has faced many ugly sides of life since young but has learned to brush off many of those experiences as insignificant. She is getting to experience making mistakes and learning to correct them for herself being far away from home. And though there were couple of occasions I felt a strong urge to just fly out there to give her a tight hug and get her out of those experiences of hurt, I silently held onto the phone and listened to her cry a bit or spill all her anger regarding a particular situation that was bothersome to her until she felt better. Then she was back with renewed energy to face yet another exciting and challenging day of music playing with her colleagues.
She is loving the 5 star accommodation and great Italian food and dessert choices :-). She has become extremely communicative of her thoughts while becoming a lot more independent at the same time. I received many one word text messages many times instead of phone calls :-), as she had a busy packed day and self-imposed schedules of practice and hang-out times with friends. And DH and I noticed that she has become a lot more open to new friends, hanging out with them, dancing and enjoying some parties too, but that maybe just the teenage thing.....
This orchestra has been a great experience for her so far. She is learning a lot more than music and I realize these are not something she could learn from a book or univ curriculum. And I am glad she is learning them while still living at home, but in small doses of independent life away from home. She has made new friends is having a great experience of making music together with both Indian and Italian musicians. She is extremely inspired by the Italian musicians she has met so far and is bursting with new energy to learn lot more music and also wants to travel widely. She also commented that the Italians have a hard time understanding both American and Indian English :-). She has formed small groups to practice music even during the breaks without resting and on some days, goes for 8-9hrs of intense practice. Her goal was/is to meet new passionate musicians and learn from the Masters and colleagues and she is getting to do that to her satisfaction in this orchestra. She will be faced with Univ and Music exams when she returns home and will get extremely busy. And her other all-adult-orchestra practices would begin the end of this month. She also wants to apply to some international workshops for music and math for extended periods of time next year and hopes that DH and I would let her go for the same.
DS has been busy playing cricket with dad, doing a ton of math proofs, physics, watching Teaching Company videos, playing piano and violin, birding, and now making plans to take up his internship with a wildlife biologist. In addition both DD and DS have to prepare for both violin and piano Christmas concerts / solos and are quite excited about the same. DS is missing his sister very much and so is his sister. But I know they will be back on their path of arguing for every single thing and driving me nuts all day after her return. But I guess that's what happens with siblings who are very close. And yes, I am getting my earmuffs ready.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
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